Howdy Pilgrim

Earlier this year, my Dad and I applied for a grant for about $11K to finance our little walk across Spain in 2015.  As per our particular gifts, we came up with a scheme that framed the adventure as a study of sorts, an analysis of pastoral ministry under the model of being a pilgrim.  It was a good idea, but not $11K good, apparently.  We didn't get the grant.
The funny thing is, I'm totally okay with that, in fact, I might even be a little relieved.  I thought about the idea of trying to hold that idea through rain and cold and sun and sore feet, and I had this sinking feeling that it was going to be more trouble than it was worth.  Sure, you say, but $11K is surely worth a good bit of trouble.  Well, I suppose it is, but I felt like it would also be a bit dishonest, it would be starting the pilgrimage from a typical place of privilege.  We would be the trust fund pilgrims, traipsing along on someone else's dime.  Worse, we would be "researchers," examining the phenomenon of a spiritual discipline, rather than practicing it ourselves.
This leads me to one of the fundamental truths I have found in my own relationship with God: God does not give you what you want (sorry Osteenites, it's just not true), but God is absolutely trustworthy in giving you what you need.  Keep in mind that sometimes you might need a bit of struggle in order to learn something, also keep in mind that death is a rather real option, and not at all as catastrophic as we sometimes think.  I'm not trying to give you the warm fuzzies about a loving grandpa-like God who every once in a while hits you up with some stern advice.  I'm talking about the ground of being, the essential force of creation, the One who knows things about us and about our universe that we couldn't imagine in our most fevered hallucination.
Pilgrimage, inasmuch as I understand the practice, is about putting yourself on a literal path, where you will be forced to accept the give and take of weather and the limitations of your own mind and body.  In my short experience of the actual practice, there is a lot of judgment and expectation to get rid of in the early going.  There is a lot of getting to know your body, and your mind, there is a lot of rather constant prayer, and there is a lot of learning to trust in the special dynamics of the Way.  You learn that people who share a goal, even when they don't share a language, are rather more accepting and acceptable.  There is a very real sense in which the road provides what you need, when you need it.  We spend so much time insulating ourselves with conveniences and insurance policies that we often miss the simple joy of being vulnerable.
I know, that sounds weird, and maybe a little dangerous, but remember this: when you love, you make yourself vulnerable.  Trusting another person is positively fraught with danger.  Trusting God is as well, and not everyone can bring themselves to do it.
Coveting that $11K was a way that my Dad and I were trying, already, to insulate ourselves from the road.  We were trying to do this thing on our terms, so that we could "sell" it to ourselves and our wives.
Maybe that wasn't the right way to go.  Maybe we need to trust the road, and trust God, a little bit more completely.