An Open (love) Letter

Dear Rural America,

I love you a lot.  I have been your son, your pastor, your biggest fan.  I have lived with you for years and been through a lot with you.  I know a lot about what makes you happy and what keeps you up at night, and that is why I love you.  But lately I have become a bit worried about you, because you seem to be buying something that is not good for you (and no I'm not talking about those deep fried twinkies at the fair).  I'm trying very hard to remember how good you are in your heart, so I'm going to start this with saying that I understand one of your greatest woes.  It is the woe that you sit at your kitchen table and lament, it is the woe that pervades your churches and your school boards.

It is quite simply the fact that your children are leaving you.  They are leaving you for the "big city," even if the "big city" isn't really big or even a city.  For the years I have spent with you I sympathized, I heard your explanation about jobs and opportunity, I listened with great empathy to the loss of a truly rural way of life that centered on growing and living things.  God knows I would want that too, if it really was the way you remember it.  I resonate with your Wendell Berry utopias where the people work the land and their labors produce all that they need.  That's straight up biblical, promise of God sort of stuff, I love that too. The fact that the sort of agrarian dream isn't really possible these days has been a long time coming.  Most farmers are far from self sufficient (except the Amish), they are perpetually in debt and rely far too much on subsidies (they don't like that one little bit either).  But look, that's not the only reason your children leave.

Your children leave because they have seen more.  Don't get me wrong, they all love the open fields and forests, the bonfires and the fairs, the animals and the natural beauty.  What they might also love though is the theater and sushi and art museums.  They might love these things because you provided a good education and some broader experiences than you had growing up.  You were good parents and gave them these things, probably not realizing that it would plant seeds in their souls that would grow like they did. On top of that, they have the internet and they see the variety of the world, and being young they don't fear it like you do.

Your children leave because your world smothers them. Some of those things they see out there in the world seem right and true and beautiful, but your churches (mea culpa) and your politics tell them that those things are wrong or evil.  They have openly gay friends who seem well adjusted and happy.  They have been taught a much healthier mode of sexuality, free from so much of the shame and guilt that has plagued such things for generations.  They consider that abortion is something that might be rendered obsolete by proper education, support and contraception rather than something to be rendered criminal by the government.  Most of them would rather save their righteous rage for things like racism and sexism rather than tax plans and fighting over the scraps left to us by the robber barons of big corporations.  They want to save that natural world that they love so much thanks to you.  The science you taught them in schools says that the ecosystem is in danger, and they're not buying all the old white guys with options in oil companies who tell them it's not.

You taught your children things about honesty and integrity, good job.  The trouble is, now they expect you to live up to those lessons.  When they see you vote for "the lesser of two evils," rather than really engage and expect leadership out of our government, they feel that you're betraying your own values.  They see hypocrisy, even in the most utilitarian sense, as a betrayal of the sort of honest straight-shooting ideals that are the best of you.  You can tell yourself it's all about jobs, lattes and avocado toast if you want, but these are your children, you know them better than that.

They won't and maybe can't tell you these things in so many words, but that's what is really going on.  I know because I talked to them and I've heard the other side of the sappy facebook posts about how great country life is.  I've heard them say they need to get out, for reasons that they can't always put into words, but I can hear it, and I have felt it, it's the desperate feeling that they don't really belong there anymore.  They want to stay for the comforts of home and family and clean air, but they can't.  And a job is usually just the excuse to get out of dodge.

I love you Rural America, but you have toxic stuff seeping out of your souls like acid mine drainage.  Your young folks know, even if they can't quite name it.  So they leave and hope they don't get cancer down the line. You don't need to be like the city folk, you don't need to adopt every lefty idea that comes down the pike, you should just actually be the people you honestly want to be.  Many of you are Christian, and if you actually listen to what Jesus said and follow him for real, you'll be on the right track.  But even for those of you who aren't particularly religious, just be honest and live with integrity.  Some practical advice would be to stop watching so much TV news and read more.  Spend less time trolling facebook and read an actual book.

But most important think about the people your children are becoming and be the home that they can be proud of, rather than the place they just want to escape.