A Letter to Myself, 12 years ago

September 11, 2013
Dear Me,
I know what you're doing right now, you're sitting on your futon in the apartment in Pittsburgh watching the news.  I know that you're watching a couple of big pillars of smoke rising into a sky so blue, on a day so beautiful, that it just seems to mock the tragedy that's unfolding before your eyes.  I remember how you felt, I remember some of the things that were going through your mind.  I remember that mostly, on that day, it was just shock, and trying to deal with something that just seemed too terrible to comprehend.
I've got some good news and some bad news, but let's start with the good, because I know that's what you need more right now.  In the next few days you're going to see and hear some amazing things, you're going to see the best of what human beings can be in the rubble of the worst of what we can do.  You're going to hear about flight 93 that went down not too far from where you're sitting and how a bunch of people gave their lives to save a lot of others.  You're going to see police, firefighters and more random volunteers than you can possibly imagine, wade into a hell of twisted metal and rock and put up an American flag and you're going to have that image with you for the rest of your life, and it will still bring tears to your eyes every time you think about it.  You're going to listen to speeches by politicians that aren't completely self-serving and arrogant, and you're going to watch the greatest nation on earth collectively grieve, and it's going to be beautiful.  It's going to restore your faith in humanity, which I know is a little shaky right now.
Hold on to that faith, you're going to need it.
You're going to need it because it won't be too long before we start beating the war drum.  It won't be too long before the shock and the desire to just help out any way we can gets replaced by the dark and inevitable sentiment: "You hurt us, now we're going to hurt you worse."  Never mind that the real reason why Al Quaeda (yeah it was them, and you're going to hear a lot about them for a long time) did this was because they believe that the United States is basically just a big bully that imposes it's will on the rest of the world.  They look at this like taking a big swing and punching that bully right in the nose.  Well they did it, and we're bleeding.  The problem (for them) is that, unlike that big awkward kid in the fourth grade, we're not just going to run off and sob to mommy, we're now going to hunt them down like dogs.
We have been hunting them in the mountains of Afghanistan for over a decade.  We invaded Iraq because we thought they might be there along with Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction (neither thing was actually there).  We finally got Osama Bin Laden (the supposed "head" of the operation) living in a suburban neighborhood in a city in Pakistan.  The Navy Seals went in, offed him and we dumped his body in the ocean.  They made a movie about it.  It felt kinda good, but it really didn't make the world a better place.
You know that thing about not learning from history and being doomed to repeat things?
A bunch of people just died this morning, but much larger numbers are going to die as a result of what happened this morning, over the next 12 years there is going to be a staggering cost,  a lot of which is just going to serve to prove the bastards right.
There are going to be massive civilian casualties in Afghanistan and Iraq.  There are going to be thousands of mothers who lose their children.  Soldiers are going to be put in untenable situations, in the name of revenge. There are going to be thousands who never come home.  There will be thousands who come home broken.  There will be thousands who are okay in body, but will be haunted by the horror of war.  We are going to have our freedom hedged in the name of security, we are going to do terrible things in the "war on terror."
The ledger is never going to balance.
Violence just begets more violence.
The world is going to change, but not noticeably for the better.
It seems that maybe (keep your fingers crossed) the diplomats are finally getting foothold back from the warmongers, but it's too early to tell.  It's been 12 years and we can still drum up enough fear to have people calling for us to invade yet another country where nobody wants our "help."
Today, there are a lot of people putting up little pictures of the twin towers burning with the slogan "never forget."  For anyone who lived through it, is there really any danger of that?
I hope we don't forget the lessons we have learned from the last twelve years either.
I hope we don't forget all the young men and women who have given up part or all of their lives in the vain quest to end hate and fear by violent means.
I remember that you were thinking about some of this stuff this morning, but hoping and praying that maybe it wouldn't all play out that predictably, but it did, and it still is, sorry.
But hey, you get through seminary, you find your way into pastoral ministry, you have a couple of kids, and Dr. Who comes back on TV!  So chin up kid.
Love,
You, just older.
P.S. Read as much Wendell Berry as you can get your hands on, watch your sugar intake and for the love of Pete, start exercising.