I once was lost... but now... well I'm still lost but at least the scenery changed.

After Emmaus, and moving on towards the Shepherd and the gate, I am thinking about conversion.  The interweb-blogoplace is full of stories of converts.  Mostly these days the converts are people who have moved from one form of Christian faith to another.  You can read countless narratives about how one way of being the body of Christ was deemed lacking in some regard and how they have found a "better" way in whatever stream they now stand.  The thing is that these "conversions" seem to happen in all sectors of the web of Christian faith: fundamentalists become progressive and (more rarely) vice versa, Catholics become Protestants and (more rarely) vice versa, but most of the movement is less dramatic in terms of ideology and has a lot more to do with personal preference than theological conviction.
I love Amazing Grace, despite the heavy rotation it gets, but lately I have become a bit weary of the zeal of the convert, and I'm rather thankful that, in the wake of several of my own spiritual experiences, I never got caught up in a fervor to try and convince everyone that what I had experienced was true for them as well.  I'm not saying I'm better, I'm just not naturally inclined towards salesmanship.  I was, and still am, a poor salesman, my biggest weakness is that I am far too honest about the product.  In my current vocation, the product is the church, and I just can't bring myself to "sell" the church, because I am far too aware of her weaknesses.
I can't honestly tell people that their lives will be changed in this place and among this community.  The best I can do is offer them a possibility that transformation might happen: if they participate, if they worship, if they forbear the unfortunate foibles of their fellow church folk, if they constantly evaluate their own sin and walk the difficult path of repentance, and if they accept forgiveness (which is sometimes the hardest sell of all).
When you read that description, does it make you want to sign up?
It doesn't surprise me when people tell me that they changed churches because they "weren't being fed."  I usually want to say, "Of course you weren't it's a buffet, you have to get off your butt and go find the food." But I don't, because that would make me a jerk.
I don't get too excited when the sheep of another flock come poking their head through my doors because they heard me preach somewhere and they thought I was different or cool, or because I was so different from their pastor, because I know that being the rebound boyfriend usually doesn't pay off very well.  Also I have to check my ego and remember that people should not be coming to the church where I serve because of me.
I try to learn what I can about the various conversions, and study the reasons why people move about the way they do, but it's frustrating to say the least, because for every person who leaves a church because they don't like the stodgy old liturgies, there is at least one who leaves because they can't connect with the new music.
I find myself lamenting one thing more than any other: consumerism.  Because that's what a lot of this amounts to: spiritual consumerism.  Underneath all the talk of God calling people to a new thing, or lifting them out of the pit, there is the same feeling that you get from a person who has switched from PC to Mac, Chevy to Ford, or Coke to Pepsi: my new thing is vastly superior to the old.
In all cases you can find an equal number of people who have been powerfully convicted in the opposite direction.  Recognizing that your experience is far from objective truth, is a good place to start the journey of faith.  Living with doubt and working at community is hard work, and often leads you through the valley of darkness.  I remind myself that maybe the thing to learn from Jesus teaching about the narrow gate is that it requires us to enter one by one.
I hold on to that, in the midst of our consumerist culture, as I watch the migration of the sheep from place to place: as long as they enter through the gate, it really doesn't matter how they get there.  That gives us the freedom to explore and maybe even get a little lost.
Sometimes being lost is the right place to be, because then you have no choice but to follow the Shepherd's voice. The zealous feeling one gets from being "found" is prone to make one obnoxious if not downright dangerous.  When you think you have found the "right" group, the "right" church, the "right" way of understanding the ineffable mystery of God, you are probably missing the point.
I am profoundly grateful for being "found" by the love of God in Jesus Christ.
I know that I need to be in community to live out the way of Jesus.
I know that any community I find is going to have certain strengths and weaknesses.
I know that I am going to have to deal with frustration and things that ruffle my feathers.
I pray that the Lord will help me to walk with him on the road and be known to me in the breaking of the bread.
I pray that I will recognize the green pastures, where I am.