The Real Deflate-Gate

It's the day after.  The "Big Game" is all over and done with.  The Seattle Seahawks managed to have victory snatched away by a player that no one had ever heard of before yesterday.  I can't say I really cared one way or the other about the game.  There wasn't really an underdog to root for, the Seahawks were the defending champions (front runners), the Patriots are, well, the Patriots (cheaters, evil empire).  It was Tom Brady (too pretty for a man) and Bill Belichick (Mr. grumpy-pants) against Russell Wilson (likeable but clueless guy) and Pete Carrol (not very likeable but clueless guy), Richard Sherman (really good corner who talks too much) against Darrelle Revis (really good corner who doesn't talk hardly at all), the line on the game was a push, even Vegas (who always pays attention) couldn't figure out which team was better... it's a good thing that they wear uniforms (especially Vince Wilfork), or else you couldn't tell them apart.
But it still had all the hype and all the trappings, and I made some really good ribs (low and slow cooking is the key).  Nationwide gave us a commercial about kids dying for some reason (seriously that thing was wrist-slittingly maudlin).  Budweiser gave us yet another super-cute commercial about a puppy and his clydesdale friends (what that has to do with watery beer, I have no idea, but hey, puppies!).  Katy Perry will haunt my nightmares with giant robotic tigers, glassy chess piece people and singing sharks and beach balls (I wonder how many hungry kids could have eaten for the cost of that stage show alone).  I found out that Missy Elliot is still alive (ambiguous about that knowledge), also that Lenny Kravitz can still hold a guitar and pretend to play it while looking very handsome indeed (very slightly pleased about that).
I am left this morning with an empty feeling (and an unusual penchant for parenthetical statements).
I'm just feeling kind of deflated (well played Andrew Luck).
Even the news of marmot-based weather forecasting has failed to rouse my spirits (six more weeks if you care).
I really have most of the same questions and feelings about the Super Bowl that most people have:
Why didn't they give Marshawn (Beast Mode) Lynch the ball on the one yard line with the game on the line? (See Pete Carrol, clueless guy)
Why isn't it Superbowl IL in Roman Numerals? (Because of the rules of roman numerals, where you can't subtract I from L, only from X or V and you can only subtract X or V from L or C, etcetera).
Why was Missy Elliot involved in the halftime show? (Got nothing on that one).
Why does Chris Collinsworth get paid to talk about football games?  (Life is not fair in any way shape or form).
Why did we spend so much time talking about deflated balls? (Because we want life to be fair in any way shape or form).
Why do we invest so much of our energy into a game? (????)