Is It November Yet?

Watching the debate last night felt sort of similar to getting prostate exam, which is to say uncomfortable, but probably necessary.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I needed some beer to get through it, I'm actually proud that I didn't resort to stronger beverages. It's not so much that I need help deciding who to vote for, I have long since decided that this is not a "lesser of two evils" situation, it is simply a choice between dangerous and unlikable.
Once upon a time, I was registered Republican (the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem).  I fancied myself a conservative, but to tell you the truth I think that meant something a bit different then.  Then I started this whole following Jesus thing and honestly my conservatism started biting the dust.  That may not be the way for everyone.  I am not saying that conservatism and Christianity are incompatible, because I know many people who are dedicated both to Christ and to economically, politically and socially conservative positions.  The sharpest folks in that lot actually realize that Trump is no conservative, and are grudgingly admitting that Hillary probably is a better option, but it is painful for them. I hope they make the GOP feel their pain in elections other than the Presidential race.
Trump actually occupies a place that American politics has not seen for quite a while, maybe not ever, so we don't really have a clear label for it (at least if we're going to take Fascist off the table as being too inflammatory).  He is authoritarian, evidenced by his insistence that "strong" leadership is the answer to everything from ISIS to the National Debt. In Trump's bubble, being a winner is not everything, it's the only thing.  He talked last night about all the ways other countries are taking advantage of us and how we're not winning, which he sees as a sign of weakness.  Others (including me) might call it diplomacy.  The debate started favorably for Trump, as they talked about trade deals.  I will admit, the parts of his platform that come closest to sanity are actually his critique of trade deals like NAFTA and the TPP.  We do get the short end on some of those deals, but mostly they end up being a wash when they actually get put in to practice.
Trump's solution, as near as I can tell, is sheer protectionism and government intervention, which is not very conservative at all my dear Mr. (Adam) Smith.  He talked out one side of his mouth about doing away with regulations and out the other about preventing corporations from leaving the country.  No doubt he thought this was a coherent carrot/stick strategy.  You keep them from leaving by making it more attractive to stay by cutting taxes and removing pesky roadblocks like environmental regulation. But it seems to me, as someone who likes clean air, water, and basic human rights for the labor force as patently dangerous.
He tries to plant the flag of an corporate oligarch (which he is) and then pivot to become some sort of warped populist, playing primarily upon the sense of many that they are getting shafted by "big government." The problem that his competitors in the primary, and now Hillary, have is that the sense of being wronged may have some ground in reality.  The system is not working out for a lot of people right now, and career politicians like Clinton are saddled with that reality, while Trump gets to play everyman and outsider.
Trump, despite his "common man" rhetoric is not and has never been a common man.  He was born wealthy and has operated for his whole life according to the distinctively different set of rules that we have allowed for the rich.  The nobles do not get properly handled and Trump's whole campaign hinges on his loyal followers not noticing or not caring that this is true.  To him taking advantage of loopholes and concessions to the special interests is simply good business, and indeed, it probably is, but legal does not equal moral or ethical. He shrugs off these inconsistencies as unimportant, the only thing that matters is that he is going to "win."
But the world is big and complicated and winning is not always the way to get the best possible outcome for the future of the nation, or the human race.  We are evolving a global society, which means that the old standards of nationalism are starting to fray around the edges. And this is where conservatism runs into a wall, if you're trying to hold the line (which is what conservatives do necessarily and well at their best) while the world changes under you, you're going to have this problem: defending the indefensible. Which is precisely the predicament sensible and good conservatives have with Donald J. Trump.
To be honest, I probably don't feel any better about voting for Clinton than they do, despite the positions that Bernie essentially forced her into, she's honestly not a real liberal, and she's probably going to be pretty status quo for at least four years. I guess we made this bed, all of us, left and right, and it's time to take a long nap.  Wake me up on election day so we can get this over with.